TCBL is under construction scheduled for a full re-launch early June. New posts are in the draft box so stay tuned and get ready!

In the meantime, there are old posts available for you to view.

Thanks,

TCBL

]]> http://thislifecantbelife.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/newz-tcbl-is-under-construction/feed/ 0 LucksJoint caution http://thislifecantbelife.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/lifestylez-black-girl-truth/ http://thislifecantbelife.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/lifestylez-black-girl-truth/#comments Mon, 30 May 2011 02:17:49 +0000 KKC http://thislifecantbelife.wordpress.com/?p=152 Read more.]]>

Our WHOLE lives we are taught double lessons…be strong, be soft…take care of yourself, but you gotta find somebody to take care of you…intelligence, not looks matter but don’t walk out the house wearing that because you’ll never get a man…don’t let him run over you, but stand for your man…good girls dont do this, but dont worry about what people think…

Black women are taught lessons that are even more hypocritical and harder to live up to with the factor of race playing a big part of our everyday existance. Be the BEST, don’t take this…stand up for yourself…people will think this but you do this, so don’t…

So when we choose to interact with each other, there’s a WHOLE new dynamic which can sometimes lead to a STRUGGLE….a power struggle…a struggle designed to protect ourselves from being hurt, being played and being misused. Black women have been forced to step it up. We cannot depend on our daddies or this society to protect us. When we come up missing, no one cares. When we fail, it’s expected. When we do well, we’re praised not in admiration but more out politically correctness and shock that we’ve overcome. We’re forced to run from the sterotypes that bind us. We have to choose to be ourselves and not let them define us.

Then when we decide to love another women we have to sometimes lose our friends, our sisters, our mothers, our families and/or our respect in our communities. We are proud people and to hide yourself creates a sense of shame. This sense of shame is a loss of a piece of us that plays a part in the definition of who we are.

Some of us love too hard. Some of us love too little. Some of us don’t know how to love. But it all boils down to PROTECTION. We don’t have a plan B so we have to stick to plan A. Give a little and expect nothing. We cannot hold on to the belief that love conquers all because most of us have witness the failure of love at home. You know? So we walk around with this shell. It’s become us so that we  dont even notice it’s on. We don’t see how this shell becomes baggage. This baggage prevents us from moving as quickly as we should. Keeps us from being agile in all matters of our lives. It keeps us stuck in the cycle of looking for love…instead of giving, experiencing and being in love…

I dont have the solution…I’m just saying that I wish it were easier to pack light…This is the black girl truth.

Today I was reading a post written by a lesbian who does not see the value in the battle for gay rights within the US. Her post made me think about how the opposition has been successful at diminishing and narrowing the argument down to one topic: Gay Marriage. The opposition has convinced even homosexuals that they don’t need, deserve or will ever receive equal rights in this country. Listen, the movement is bigger than marriage. It extends to gays in the military, gays in the classroom, firehouses and police stations. It extends to gay people being treated fairly even if it’s only on paper. The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was just a piece of paper. But that piece of paper prohibited discrimination in public facilities, in government, and in employment, invalidating the Jim Crow Laws in the southern U.S.

To be clear again, the focus should be on equal rights and normalization of homosexuality which gay marriage is the forefront of this battle. So what does the opposition say? This country was founded on Christian princicples which supports marriage being between a man and a woman. I mean, the bible says it, therefore it must be true. Of course! The reality is that this country was founded in pursuit of religious freedom (and for capitalist greed). Our forefathers were not all Christians and even if they were they included in the constitution that Church and State will always remain separate. Their use of god was not specific and could be applied to any god–if we keep it funky, we all know that America’s god is money.

Back to why I wrote this post…while I respect this blogger’s opinion, as a legally married lesbian, I respectfully and totally disagree with it. I wanted to write about why my wife and I got married. I have written many posts about our marriage so you know I could write all day, but I tried to sum it up in 3 points. Outside of the fact that I am totally in love my wife and that she’s the baddest chick in all the land *evil grin*, here are the reasons why I got married…ready? Legggooo…

1. Family. What is marriage? Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. Let’s take a second to focus on the word kinship. Kinship is basically family.  When I met my wife I was not even thinking about getting married, ok? Marriage? Hello? Where they do that at? Lol. Seriously, the last thing on my mind was flying to Cali and getting hitched. But while we were dating we just started talking about it. I did not get on one knee and neither did she. We just started talking about what we wanted and how we wanted things to be. Then one day were like, hey I’m ready. We could have stopped there. But we wanted to make it official. We wanted to be family.  I have dated women since high school so I’ve had plenty of relationships—friends with benefits, jumps, just women and 3 year+ girlfriends. All of their titles equaled their position in my life.

If you’re a secretary, you would not wear a name tag that reads CEO. Get it? Our relationship and commitment deserved the correct title–FAMILY. We are family.

I got married because I wanted my wife to legally be a part of my family.

2. Protection. As many of us know, there are many legal protections same-sex partnerships can take to protect their union (living wills, estate planning, power of attorneys, etc). Anti-gay marriage movements love to point this out. (Funny how this lesbian blogger did as well.) It is critical to point out that many of these, let’s call them, civil alternative protections are created to be used in emergencies and often upon the death of one of the partners. Let’s remember that wills are contested in courts all the time. A family member can easily create havoc in states or environments where same-sex partnerships are not accepted or acknowledged. I have personally witnessed families contesting wills of same-sex partnerships. Even though there is a legal will, the parents still felt that their grandchild belonged with them and not with a lesbian. This woman had to spend years in court contesting a will that her and her partner created because they lived in a different state that did not recognize same-sex adoption. The next of kin (there’s that word again) in the court’s eyes was the maternal grandparents. Crazy! She eventually won the case, but only after years and lots of wasted money and energy fighting for her deceased partner’s wishes to be honored.

These civil alternative protections are good, but not enough for situations that occur in regular daily life. Same-sex couples do not receive  over 1100 federal benefits and protections that heterosexual couples enjoy and take for granted. Health insurance, paid work time for family emergencies and pregnancies, tax benefits and pensions rights to name a few. Luckily I work for a company that recognizes same-sex marriages so my wife and I are on the same health insurance. It is a much cheaper option. Also, whenever she is sick or her family is sick, I have no problems taking off from work. She is also the beneficiary of my pensions, 401k and other benefits that belongs to me through my company. We are very fortunate in this area.  However, since the federal government does not recognize ss mariage, we do have to pay more income taxes than a family of two. We also have to pay thousands of dollars in legal fees to outline and protect our assests together. Just for my wife to change her last name was going to cost us $600 dollars. Luckily, we were patient and she found a way to do it without an attorney. We are Americans. We pay our federal taxes. We take care of our business, but we are discriminated against and why? No real reason other than bigotry. Pure and simple.

I got married because I wanted my wife and I to receive as many protections under the law that are offered to us at this time.

3. Equality  & Normalization. Marriage is not for everybody, but those who want to be married should be able to. Every adult should have the right to marry another adult. Or we should abolish marriage altogether and just have civil unions for everyone. Marriage is not a big deal. Again, it is equality! Say it with me—equality. I feel that being gay is 100% okay and I personally feel that it is my duty to fight for equality. Not just in words, but in action. My marriage is a testament to the fact that sexual orientation does not define a relationship. It is also a living and breathing example that same-sex relationships are the norms for a lot of people. Not every gay person feels that it is their responsibility and I respect that. However, I cannot live my live being silent and safe. What if Martin Luther King was silent? What if Malcolm X was silent? What if Booker T. was silent? Hell, what if my mother was silent? What if my father was silent? They both grew up with racial limitations due to bigotry, but they still went for what they felt they deserved. Silence does nothing but perpetuate myths and falsehoods. Silence is a form of co-signing injustice.

I got married because I deserve equality regardless of my sexual orientation. Most importantly, I feel that it is my duty to ensure that other homosexual people are treated equally.

In all honesty, my life is gravy. I could easily sit back and pretend as if my reality is all that matters. Financially, we’re good and comfortable. Career wise, I’m on the fast track. My wife is right behind me. Family, they accept us as we are by respecting and recognizing our marriage. I could live in this safe bubble and close my eyes to the people being fired because they are gay or being harrassed because they are gay. I could pretend that “dont ask, dont tell” policy works fine and not hold my politicians to task on reversing such a ridiculous order. I could pretend that the dsyfunction in our community is not in some ways attritbuted to the external bigotry that has created an environment of self-hatred resulting in unhealthy relationships and a community as a whole.

I could pretend because  I’m okay, that everything else okay. But yall know me…and I just cannot.

Mr. Maxwell No Last Name is the one man I would pick to be that last man on earth because he is the coolest cat. I remember seeing him perform back when he released Urban Hang Suite. I was in college and we got tickets not understanding what we were about to witness. I walked into that auditorium and I swear he was singing just to me. I remember he painted this girl’s toes on stage. Now I usually don’t go for corny antics like this but the way he did it was cool. Wait, maybe I wanted to be cool like him? Yes, yes that is it! I was more attracted to his cool? Again, that’s a whole other post. So ever since that performance I have been a bonafide fan. I was with him through the huge commercial success of UHS. That album was just funky! It was  good lay it down album too. Very chill and complete with the “hey, baby how YOU doing” at the door with a glass of vino to the “let me kiss you from bottom of your backside to your ear lobe.” Who didn’t like “Til the Cops Come Knocking?” Dude! I mean that video alone made you want to get sweaty with somebody. The sexiness is never overt but it is definitely the standard.

I was with him on his second studio release Embrya. It was different for sure. I remember seeing the cover of the album and it looked like he was submerge in the womb. This was admist the shiny suit time and the No Limit craze where cover art was guady, blunt and just plain tacky. Then you have this big afro dude swimming in amniotic fluids being reborn. You have to respect his truth and respect for the artform of being an entertainer. I think he lost some of his fan base with that second album because it was much more abstract but if you took the time to really just listen it all made sense.

Then he released NOW. I loved this joint! It is actually in my cd changer in the car right now! It was funky and soulful. I loved the song, “For Lovers Only.” The lyrics are: This aint for  the one that loves for fun/that just love and run/that hold the gun/This is for those who bleed/ that want but have no need/This aint for the war/This is for lovers only. And who can’t forget how hard he sang Fortunate? I think that is my favorite song written by R. Kelly and I’m so glad he did not sing it. Maxwell ripped that when he sang, “Never sang a song with all of my might.”

Then he made us wait. And wait. And wait. 2 years. Okay. 5. Wow. If we only knew that we would have wait 3 more! I remember the rumors Maxwell is coming back next spring. Nah Maxwell is coming back next fall. It was always next something. Then finally we saw him on BET and he looked as great as ever sans the crazy fro which we all loved so much. He still delivered that Al Green song like he had been performing in a secret galaxy somewhere waiting on his spaceship to return him to us. And so he’s back ladies and gentlemen! BLACKsummers’night is a beautiful apology to all of his fans who have been waiting for his comeback. The latest release is full of music! No collaborations with Chris Brown or Rhianna. No autotune fillers from the Dream. You actually hear drums, horns and keys all wrapped up in his beautiful falsetto. Every time I listen to this album I’m reminded of his first one because it is so complete. You can listen to this from start to finish with no reason to stop unless you’re putting something on repeat. I love the subtly sexiness of it all. In Bad Habits he says, “Lady, when we lock it low (ah, ah) /We get together, it’s an overdose /I’m slippin’, I’m here, I’m on my knees /I feels my heart’s about to explode “

My other favorite jams are: “Pretty Wings”…it is just such a pretty song! “Stop The World”…Someone stop the world! I love the way this song starts. He sings about stopping all the choas (the external) to be with your lover. When I’m with you, the world stops for me…”Fistful of Tears” is also a good one. I really like all of them so I could do this all day.

Anyway, the coolest thing about this release is that you can feel that Maxwell has been a regular person for the past 8 years. He sings and writes this stuff like he’s been emersed in real life situations and there is nothing phony about it. With all that gimmicky music floating around today you have to appreciate that if nothing else.

This weekend my wife and I went to check out the movie “Just Wright” starring Queen Latifah and Common. I did not expect much but I was curious to see the movie. In all honesty, I enjoy seeing a cast of contemporary black people in movies—even when they are kind of bad. It is still a rarity when we’re played in an honest and real way so I’m always going hopeful. Queen Latifah has become a well respected producer and actress lately so I wanted to see this movie also to support her and her efforts. The movie was pretty predictable but entertaining. Seeing her kiss Common was odd and weird but besides that it was pretty good. I mentioned to my wife after the movie that Queen and her personal trainer, who has been rumored to be her longtime girlfriend, just purchased a million dollar place in California. She did not believe me so I googled it on the way home.

This led us to the discussion of WHY Queen Latifah won’t just COME OUT of the closet (if she is gay). From my knowledge Queen has neither denied or admitted to being gay but the rumors have been circling for quite some time. The fact that she will not face or acknowledge the rumor in some way makes it seem that there is truth behind it. While it does not matter if she’s gay or straight, I do feel a certain kind of way that she will not address the rumor. As a celebrity you give up the luxury of being private and to me, as a gay, black or any other celebrity you denying who you are is a disservice to the very people you represent. I know people will say, “it’s her business and her life.” Yes, it is. But with THAT life she has made millions being a likeable and relatable person. So on some level I’m annoyed that she will not own up to the question: ARE you a lebsian? Better yet, are you living your life as a lesbian? It is a simply question with a simply answer, YES or NO.

Queen is in the position to BE HERself. She has proven herself in her field. Her coming out would not hurt her paycheck. It would not hurt her credibility or ability to sell us things like movies, KFC, make-up and whatever else she’s endorsing this week. Perfect example is Ellen. Ellen’s career has only gotten better since she has been honest and somewhat public about her personal life. I’m not asking for bedroom shots here. I’m just asking for a direct answer. Queen, being a black, strong and successful woman would do good to come out as an example of how sexuality does not hinder your ability to be great. Most important, her relatability will help knock down another door for someone coming up behind her.

She said in a magazine interview that she wanted to do this movie to provide onscreen black examples for young people and to the world. She is also very vocal about being a plus size woman who is confident and comfortable with her body. She has said that she will be the example for that. I just wonder why she stops at the color of her skin and her body size? Those other two things people can see so it was really no choice. But for her to address the gay rumor (if she is), would be more of a choice. One that would take courage and guts.  I’m thinking she should just go on Oprah around her next project and have a face-to-face discussion. Kill the rumor OR fess up!

Maybe one day she’ll have the courage to just ANSWER the QUESTION: Are you GAY? Check Yes, No or Maybe…

Sheeesh!

We walk in and there were a few more couples there. Quickly, we noticed along with everyone else that we were the ONLY gay people there. We were out in Buckhead which is a bit less liberal than Midtown for the most part so the reaction we recieved was not surprising. Most of the couples there were above 45 years old and white. It looked like we did just walk into a Buckhead church for a second. There was a young black couple at the only table with open seats left. They looked at us with this sign of disapproval and then proceeded to not even speak. So we found a seat, we spoke and then we waited on the chef to start.  My wife grabbed my hand at the table. I was not sure if she was squeezing my hand because she was surrounded by what she loves most OR because she felt that it was uncomfortable for a second because we were THE gay couple. Either way, her touch soothed me and reminded me that we are always in this together. This being life. OUR life.

They put each couple in a group of 4. We were all assigned to make a part of the menu in various parts of the kitchen. We were paired off with this young white couple. The woman was expecting and smiling from ear to ear. The husband was nondescript but pleasant. As we all started to get comfortable, the gay/straight tension in the room started to melt. We ignored the initial chill and carried on the way we always do. We remained affectionate. We talked. We laughed. We were just us. Our interaction with our team couple was better than the other teams. And our food was better if you ask me. By the end of the experience, everybody was cool with us. Not in a patronizing way but in a geninue way.

I believe that if you accept yourselves that people will follow suit. Wherever we go people adapt to us. We are not shoving gay down people’s throats but we are just who we are. We are people first and we do not let our gayness stand in our way of that. I feel many times gay people marginalize themselves because they are just not good representations of people in general. Same thing for black people. I do not feel you have to assimilate to be accepted but you have to carry yourselves with a certain level of decorum to demand or command respect. Yes, I dress more masculine now but my jeans aren’t sagging off my ass and I’m not calling my wife a wifey or ma’. She’s not walking around trying to look like a barbie or some video vixen. We’re not trying to recreate this pseudo man-woman relationship. We are just being ourselves. We’re black. We’re womyn. We’re gay. Most importantly—we’re OUT.

I say this time and time again…it is our duty to be out. If you hide who you are, you are saying something is wrong with who you are. How can you request equality if you dont feel that you ARE equal? Yesterday, I had to get all my wisdom teeth pulled. The nurse asked me who was out there waiting on me. I said, my wife and then her first and last name so she could find her when the time came. There was silence in the room. Like someone sucked the air out of it for about 30 seconds. Then she said, OK so you guys have the same last name? I said, yes she’s my wife so it kinda goes with the territory. She smiled. The other nurses giggled. Then they wanted to know how, where and when we got married. The ice was broken just like that. The last nurse took my bag and said, I have your purse up here. Oh excuse me, I mean your messanger bag to be politically correct. I was inhaling laughing gas when she said that but I smiled. I thought it was cute how these surbanites were trying hard to be accepting and to not offend me and my gayness, lol.

Whitefolk, I love ya! I really do but you guys need a little help when hanging with blackfolk. I know, I know, I know! You DON’T know! So here’s a little guide to help your transition. The following rules will keep you from getting those odd looks or that awkward moment of silence. This list is for fun okay. So don’t get offended but juuuust maybe next time you hang out with blackfolk things may go a little bit better…

1. YOU ARE NOT THE EXPERT ON ALL THINGS BLACK. Just because you are comfortable around black people or you have a black uncle or friend does NOT mean you know what ALL black people like, or what they do or what they have. Okay? We are not a monolithic group that all think the same. (We are not the republican party!) We all have different skin colors, hair, backgrounds, interests and opinions. Imagine that.

We did not all grow up poor. We all do not like Young Jeezy and Hammer. We all do not eat fried chicken or drink cheap beer. We all are not overly influenced by MTV or this rap culture. We all are not rolling our eyes or working our necks. We all are not familiar or friends with every other black person in the world. We are all DIFFERENT! There is no black hand guide or survival kit. We all have had to make our own way in this world so all of our paths are a bit different. So there is no way you can be the expert on all things black.

*One day a white girl told me a two friends that black girl’s hair can only grow to a certain point. She was in a pool full of natural curly headed black women and she said this!!?!? Our hair is kinky which means it coils which means it is longer than it looks. Another thing, hair is hair. All hair grows dumb dumb!*

2. KNOW WHEN YOU ARE HAVING AN AWKWARD MOMENT.  If you say something in a group of blackfolkand there’s a pause of 3 or more seconds and then someone changes the subject, chances are that you just said something REALLY stupid. This is called an awkward moment. There are only a few things you can do when this happens: a. Just say you’re drunk and really stupid b. Walk away quietly c. buy a round of drinks for everyone!

*I would go with C if you plan to stick around. The drunker we are the better because we won’t care about your stupid comments.*

3. YOU ARE NOT A GOOD DANCER.  Ok, some of you guys have picked up a little rhythm and understandably your other non-black friends are impressed by it. However, your black friends are messing with your head. They take you out with them and push you out on the dance floor to laugh at you. Sorry to break it to you, but you are not a good dancer. You dancing to Gucci is just disturbing I’m sorry. Also, the salsa and the meringue does not go well in clubs unless they are playing latin music. Oh yeah, and your grinding skills–STOP. Just STOP! IT is not a good look! When we see white girls drop to the floor to “..scruuuub the ground…” we are LAUGHING AT YOU! Please stick to things rivers and lakes that you’re used to. You know…things you’re good at. Liiike tossing your hair in people’s faces while they’re getting drinks at the bar. Or crying and whining to get your way. You know!

*Disclaimer: Not all black people can dance so don’t feel bad. A-ha! Another myth shattered. Yes, it is true that most black people have rhythm, but it is not always the case. I talked to a girl last night that could not dance and yes she black girl with NO rhythm. Cute, but NO rhythm. Poor thing.*

4. YOU ARE NOT ALWAYS AT THE PARK.  So you were invited to a black social event. Listen, since we lead in fashion and trends it would be safe to assume that we will be dressed to the nines or somewhere around that. Even our casual is not your casual. Daisy dukes and keds to a lounge is a NO! Come on! You know better than this. And you come sweaty and hot too? NO NO NO. It’s not a good look.  No seriously, I’m not a fashion snob per se and I like to dress outside the box most times, but pay attention to detail. Hell, just make an effort. We might do casual but it usually has a pop to it. Anyway,  just stop the park wear! Thanks.

5. DON’T TAKE EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY.  If we are playing a game or having a heated debate, we are not taking it too seriously so you should not. One day we were all racing in the pool. The white girl wins and celebrates like she just qualified for the Olympics. It was too much because we were in a pool that was only about 20 feet long. We don’t like to lose and usually we will lose interest when someone is taking winning just way too far. Keep in mind that Blackfolk are usually chill in social settings. We may get animated or a bit competitive but we’re just kidding, ok? We might scream at each other or act like we don’t like each other for a minute, but it’s all in fun!

If my friend calls me a heifer/hoe/b**** she does not mean it. So don’t come up to me 20 minutes later and ask if I’m okay. My feelings are not hurt. I’ve been through hell and high water with that chick. She can call me heifer/hoe/b**** and I’m okay.

*Oh yeah, and one more thing. Do NOT participate in the shenanigans of name calling or too much teasing, especially if you don’t know the group. PLEASE don’t go too far or you will get the Number 2–Awkward silence! (or your ass kicked, depends) J/K/Kinda*

6. DON’T TOUCH A BLACK PERSON’S FOOD. Listen, we don’t take kindly to sharing germs. This is why most black people have never had mono. Go do a survey! If a black person gets mono, I guarantee you that he or she has been frolicking around with some white folk at some point. Our mothers taught us NOT to drink or eat after people so you touching my food is not a good look for you. You grabbing my soda while I turn away to get something off of the printer is not a good idea. You sticking your hand into my bag of chips is not the best decision. You get my drift? Leave our food and drink alone. If we offer it to you, I’m sure we’re done with it. We don’t get down with cooties son! Our moms were out working and did not have time for us to come home sick every week. We are our first line of defense.  F an immune system!

7. DON’T SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT MY MOTHER (NOR YOURS!) Ok, dude. Don’t even joke about the woman that gave birth to me. Don’t even say anything bad about your mother in front of me. I hate that you guys disrespect your parents. The white kids I went to school with called their mothers dickheads, jerks and bitches.  I was shocked they were still breathing first of all. Secondly, I was appalled that they thought that was cool. So don’t say ANYTHING about my mother. I am not a violent person but this warrants a mini-beat down.

8. DON’T MESS WITH MY MONEY. We were cheated out of 400 years worth of pay. So try to mess with our money now? *shakes head* NO! Don’t do it. Chances are we have to work twice as hard as you to get it. So for you to act like my money doesn’t matter is a no-no. For example, my friend called Sprint the other day. They charged her a $5 late charge fee. She asked for them to remove it because she did not get a bill. The rep resisted saying, “Ma’am it’s only FIVE dollars!” Well, if it is ONLY five dollars then give me my money! Only is only applicable when it’s YOUR money, not mine. My money is never ONLY. It’s mine! Majority of crimes commited by blackfolk involve money. Get it?

9. DON’T USE SLANG. I was in a meeting last week and I heard a white lady tell another one to “talk to the hand.” Ok, Martin has been off the air for more than 10 years. That whole talk to the hand thing is so played OUT! Another time this white guy came to my office to ask me how to spell “SHAWTY” so he could text it to his friends for a laugh. Seriously, he got up from his cubicle and walked down to my office to ask me that. Um, sir I’m you’re boss number 1. Number 2…I will not participate in you making fun of blackfolk. Listen white folks: Slang and trends have the shelf life of 3-6 months. I apologize that you get it late, but if you don’t hear black folk use it anymore there is a good chance that it has expired. Get your slang up people. And stop looking to us for approval after you use it!

10. Don’t IGNORE THE RULES ON PERSONAL SPACE. OK, ok, ok. I don’t know how many times I have had to check a white person on being in my personal space. I have come to the realization that you guys cannot help it and you don’t know any better. Here are some tips. You should not touch people you don’t know. You should not be able to smell what the person in front of you had for dinner. Move back a taste please. Thanks. You should not play or touch someone’s hair without permission unless you sleeping with them OR you gave birth to them.

In summary, just remember YOU ARE NOT BLACK. Be yourself. Seriously. Don’t try to be something you are not. My tips are not to change you but to just make your transition easier. We love white people but remember that you are visitor.  We really do like you  but sometimes you guys make it challenging to be around. We accept your differences but we only ask that you accept ours. When in Rome…you know how the saying goes.

Blackfolk are in all white environments ALL the time and we act accordingly. Well, at least the blackfolk I know. We don’t go in telling you guys about yourself. We don’t make assumptions that you all think and act alike. We respect you guys enough to keep our prejudices and assumptions at home at the dinner table like we’re suppose to.

All in all, the point of us all hanging out is to discover and get to know each other better. So let’s keep it fun and most importantly, respectful.

I know Tiger Woods is thinking, “This can’t be life!” Well, Tiger…yes it IS. This IS YOUR life.

Ok, so I’ve never been a fan. I’ll admit. Something about that dude! No one can deny that he is an extraordinary golfer. However, no one can ignore that the color of his skin played a part in his fame and fortune as well. Dare I say that his blackness made him great. He was on the front page of every magazine (and not just sports) because he was a black kid dominating in a sport traditionally created, owned and ran by white people. Despite the platform he was given he chose to always downplay race and pretty much distance himself from it all. He even made up a cool word to describe his interracial situation–caublasion. Remember? Cool Tiger! Go Tiger. Whatever Tiger.

In any case, he gets NO brown sympathy from me nor the community. Sorry. Tiger is even lower than OJ where I’m from and it’s not because he chose to marry the blondest chick in the nation. It is his lack of responsibility when it comes to speaking out for brown people. Now, I know that Tiger has many foundations/tax write-offs that probably help some brown kids or people somewhere. But when you have a platform like that sometimes your personal choices (who you marry) counts. Sorry, but it JUST does. Even his best friends are all white (besides Michael Jordan, ugh same problem). I have never heard Tiger utter a word about brown people.  Ever. How is that possible? I’m not asking him to be militant X but damn. Never ever? So for that Tiger you are on your on. The brown community will stay silent in your defense like you have for us.

The only reason we know Tiger Woods is a black man is because his private affairs are now being blown out of proportion. You mean to tell me that Jack Nicholson NEVER stepped out on his wife? White athletes do it all the time but when they do it the new story is just a story and it goes away within a 24 hr news cycle.

So Tiger…Have a ball while the media rips you into shreds. Now you will feel what is like to wear that black skin you like to ignore.

…And they say gay people are ruining marriage. Well, heteros are doing a good job at helping too. Go Tiger!

So it got me to thinking, wow life is so much different from what I imagined it to be when I was a little kid. Don’t get me wrong, my life is pretty fucking amazing. I managed to convinced a very beautiful and intelligent woman to stand by myself and ride this thing called life out with me and to be my wife.  I have a pretty challenging career working for one of the leading companies in the world. I get to work about 5 yards away from my bed which means no traffic or crazy commute. Also means no cubicle hell or weird co-workers who want to use valuable work time talking about American Idol, Dancing with the Stars or some personal matter at home that I wish they’d kept to themselves. I live in a great city wtih a lot to offer and more importantly, pretty gay friendly which always helps. You know it always helps when you don’t feel that your life is in danger based on who you decide to give the business to (business =sex…keep up, thanks). I have good friends that I don’t really have time to catch up with on a regular but they know what’s up. (know what’s up=they know that I love them despite my failure to reach out outside of text, email and twitter). So life ain’t bad. Actually it’s pretty fucking awesome.

BUT…yes there is a but life is not exactly what you thought it would be. I don’t mean that in a bad way either. It’s just different. Hell, I thought I’d be straight, married with kids building a sky-rise. Yes, I thought I’d be an architect or something. Honestly, I changed my “What do I want to be when I grow up” goal like every 8 months back then. It is really funny to sit back and look at life from the eyes of your younger self. To look at the world and where we are now. We have a black president. Shit! Wow. That was not even on the list! The little things that make you go hmmm or damn. That is what this blog will be about. I’ll probably be all over the map…politics, sex, religion (or lack thereof) current events, personal shit (not too personal though…back back give ME 50 feet), music and just life. What else is there really?

So anyway…This can’t be life starts now…

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of witnessing greatness on stage. The crowd was electric. The show was perfection. The flow so serious. The hits continous.  With no intermission, only 1 hypeman Memphis Bleek (and people question Jay’s loyalty knowing that Memph ain’t had a hit since never, but Jay still riding with him) and a band, Jay gave me the best concert I have ever been to and I’ve seen them all! From MJ to Prince to Beyonce…The next morning my wife and I purchase tickets for his show in Atlanta. It was just that good.

The dude just get better with time like Opus One.